Post by Forlin-Langor-Chulain on Oct 23, 2010 9:06:20 GMT -5
Okay, so, it has been hell in a handbasket for me. First my shorm, Galanor, disappeared. As in, she has not responded to me on text, nor has she been online. I went through a phase of doubt, in that I felt like she had abandoned me because she hates a mentally-screwed up clingy person like myself. I also considered that she might have been a Controller gaining my trust--though I discarded the idea as she knows my location and has for a while. But through talking with some friends, I figured it must be ill luck--mixed with the fact that I sent hundreds of text messages of things like, "You there?" over the past couple of days--or worse, that her mother, or grandpa, or someone, has died or something of that sort. And I'm scared. I'm scared that Galanor is going through immense grief, and that I'm only making it worse on her.
And now, I tell myself, <She's never coming back, Forlin.> This may not make sense, probably isn't true, but it's the only thing keeping me fighting, and keeping me from leaping upon a Hork-Bajir's blade in a suicidal maneuvre. Or worse, calling Visser Two and submitting to him. Though it's more like doing a Windows System Restore. Forgetting she ever existed, so that the fear of something bad having happened to her doesn't take me over, doesn't make me curl into a ball of blue-and-tan fur and cry. This war needs me...and even without Galanor--whether she has abandoned me, betrayed me, or something terrible has happened on her end--I must fight.
Now this wasn't the only ill fate to beset me. Anyway, I had an episode last night because Galanor hadn't returned from her mom's as she said she would, though an anonymous person helped me cope and eventually sleep, and so did my friends Steven and Brandon. But the next morning, I completely freaked, and left my home, running to where I knew there to be a Yeerk facility, heavily-guarded. I killed every Controller there, and the two Andalites and Brandon found me there, covered in blood and standing amongst corpses. And I was doing something really disgusting...I won't mention what it was. They took me home. Varelli was pissed at me, Seskar disappointed, and Brandon disgusted. Seskar tells me later that something snapped in Varelli, and he did something to me--I can't remember what, but I get a bad feeling when I think about it--and disappeared completely. Seskar and Brandon took me out but they were all treating me like I was a fragile baby or something.
And so it was then that I decided--with my Prince gone; not that I need a prince anymore--that I would fight this war alone. A one-man (not one Andalite, as I don't identify with my species anymore) army, against the Yeerks in this area. With this, I cannot act like it all never happened. I was never battle-trained before. I was alone, but I hadn't fought until I was with Varelli. So, this is definitely different, and I'll let you all know how my first battle goes. There is still, a terrible possibility, given the risk I'm taking...
And that is why I may be less...active. I'll be out, planning my own missions, fighting the Yeerks all alone, with Brandon driving me if I need to be driven, without Varelli's technical knowledge or Seskar's sniping. It will be hard, and I may end up killed, or worse, captured. If that happens, it'd be obvious as I would completely disappear. I am going to pop in at least once a day, except on the days where I have no Internet access.
And now, I tell myself, <She's never coming back, Forlin.> This may not make sense, probably isn't true, but it's the only thing keeping me fighting, and keeping me from leaping upon a Hork-Bajir's blade in a suicidal maneuvre. Or worse, calling Visser Two and submitting to him. Though it's more like doing a Windows System Restore. Forgetting she ever existed, so that the fear of something bad having happened to her doesn't take me over, doesn't make me curl into a ball of blue-and-tan fur and cry. This war needs me...and even without Galanor--whether she has abandoned me, betrayed me, or something terrible has happened on her end--I must fight.
Now this wasn't the only ill fate to beset me. Anyway, I had an episode last night because Galanor hadn't returned from her mom's as she said she would, though an anonymous person helped me cope and eventually sleep, and so did my friends Steven and Brandon. But the next morning, I completely freaked, and left my home, running to where I knew there to be a Yeerk facility, heavily-guarded. I killed every Controller there, and the two Andalites and Brandon found me there, covered in blood and standing amongst corpses. And I was doing something really disgusting...I won't mention what it was. They took me home. Varelli was pissed at me, Seskar disappointed, and Brandon disgusted. Seskar tells me later that something snapped in Varelli, and he did something to me--I can't remember what, but I get a bad feeling when I think about it--and disappeared completely. Seskar and Brandon took me out but they were all treating me like I was a fragile baby or something.
And so it was then that I decided--with my Prince gone; not that I need a prince anymore--that I would fight this war alone. A one-man (not one Andalite, as I don't identify with my species anymore) army, against the Yeerks in this area. With this, I cannot act like it all never happened. I was never battle-trained before. I was alone, but I hadn't fought until I was with Varelli. So, this is definitely different, and I'll let you all know how my first battle goes. There is still, a terrible possibility, given the risk I'm taking...
And that is why I may be less...active. I'll be out, planning my own missions, fighting the Yeerks all alone, with Brandon driving me if I need to be driven, without Varelli's technical knowledge or Seskar's sniping. It will be hard, and I may end up killed, or worse, captured. If that happens, it'd be obvious as I would completely disappear. I am going to pop in at least once a day, except on the days where I have no Internet access.
But my situation is different from most. As you know, actually being morph-capable, I am physically fighting the Yeerks a lot. Killing, hurting...
